he's straight hood, yo

Yesterday, I was sitting outside with Dougie, talking on the phone, when all of the sudden he thought it appropriate to charge a man walking on the sidewalk, jump up on the fence separating him from the target of his barking attack, and hop up and down. This happens sometimes, I guess when there's something about the person that he doesn't like, but I don't condone this behavior at all. As a matter of a fact, when he acts like that, I scream at him and clap my hands and demand that he "GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" and he always quickly complies with my orders.

So last night he started with the charging, and I started with the screaming. Usually the person he is harassing will throw his or her arms up and make a bee line across the street whilst yelling something along the lines of "You betta get yo' dog," or "HELP!" But not this particular man. This man reached into his coat pocket, presumably grabbing his gat because I live in a neighborhood where it would be expected that many people pack, and screamed right back and Dougie. I was actually really pissed. Like, what the fuck man? You're gonna shoot my dog? And his screaming at Dougie only further aggravated Dougie who continued to bark and ignored my orders. And the man just stood there with his hand in his pocket, bellowing at my dog. So finally I was like "Dude, don't encourage him," and the guy walked off, and Dougie finally got back on the porch, wagging his tail and totally oblivious to the fact that he just almost got a cap in his ass.

Dougie. Almost getting shot in NE DC. Because he's hood like that.

not so funny anymore

So my roommate and I have succeeded in totally confusing the crap out of poor Dougie. All my regular readers will recall that one week ago, I was very proud of my brown-nosed wussy dog and his territorial barking and growling. Within the past week, however, Jane and I have had to modify this behavior.

I mean, is it really too much to ask for a dog to be able to differentiate threatening from non-threatening? Big, 250-pound man in a black hoodie - threatening. Small, pig-tailed girl in a school uniform and pink barettes - non-threatening. Skinny, disheveled crackhead woman - moderately threatening. Tiny old woman in a moo-moo blatently struggling to take the few arthritic steps past our house - soooo not threatening. However, it appears that he doesn't understand this.

So we started by letting him bark at the threatening and screaming at him to "GET ON THE PORCH!!! SIT DOWN!!! STAY RIGHT THERE!!!" when the non-threatening walk by. Didn't take. You could tell that he would get so excited at the opportunity to reduce small children to tears that he couldn't even control himself. So now we have to scream at him every time anyone walks by, including the threatening. Finally, today, he seems to get it. Even a stary cat went by, and I could tell he so wanted to kill it, but he sat patiently on the porch, his jaw moving up and down as if he were barking, but trying very hard (and succesfully) not to let anything out.

On a side note, I fucking love that boy. The other day, the three of us were sitting outside, and I got up to get in my car and drive down the street to the little coffee shop. Dougie ran up to the fence and watched me walk to my car with the saddest little look on his face, eyebrows all slanted upwards and I swear I saw tears gathering in those little brown eyes. I yelled at him to get in the house with Jane, but he just stood there like "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Please don't GOOOOOOOO!!!" Even as I was driving away, I saw him standing there at the fence, the same pitiful look on his face ("nooooooooooo!!! please!!!!"). Awwww....he's like my small toddler. I don't know how I made it before he came in my life.